I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
don't judge my taste in strippers
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
