Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
