From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
