I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
