Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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