man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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