walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
