This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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