If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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