I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
