the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
