The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
