hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
