Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
