so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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