I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
