I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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