hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
