May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
