wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
