Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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