if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
