I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
