matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
