I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
