im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
