I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
