No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
