Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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