I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's like heaven, but drunker
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
