My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
