I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
