if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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