it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We need a shit load of segways right now
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
