i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
