Swine flu. Run for my life!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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