none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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