I can't watch pbs sober anymore
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
