im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
