Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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