i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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