No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
