I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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