im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
