If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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