Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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