we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
