Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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