We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
