it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
do nipples grow back?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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