Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
