my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
