we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
