they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
