i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
