Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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