A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize