Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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