then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
