If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
