I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
