I got chris browned last night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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