What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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