Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
