I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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