After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
