Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
