It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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