i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
