There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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