I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize